well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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