You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I just had sex on a roof
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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