Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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