So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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