Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
