OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
