I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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