the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
