I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
