the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
