Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Randomize
