Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
