Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
