pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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