Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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