I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
