You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
