i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I party with great urgency now.
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