the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
