Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You pole danced in your parka.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Randomize
