On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Drake has all the answers
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
