dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
