it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
