Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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