Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
