Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
