If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
