operation harelip BJ is a go
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
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