Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
