Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
try to milk me bitch
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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