I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
