Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
