Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
