You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
