Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
