If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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