I have demons in me.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
