He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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