And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
