Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
