I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
