Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
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