I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
