R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
