Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
