I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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