well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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