dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
