i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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