We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
