i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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