Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
More tranny stories later!
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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