Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
