and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
