just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
